BUILDING A BARSTOOL 15'S RUGBY TEAM

Reed Jones
Mar 15
5 min read

I know most people associate Saturday's with college football but for some of us in America (and mainly the world), Saturday is three words: a rugby day. Rugby is such a sick sport that is growing more and more in the U.S. for BOTH genders (shoutout Ilona Maher). A little background of how I got into rugby: I live in Harrisonburg, Virginia which is the city that JMU is in. PFT Commenter is an alumni. A few years ago, I heard he was playing in the alumni game, so I put on my "Pardon My Take" hoodie and went to the field, hoping to meet him. Not only did I meet him, but he also asked if I was a player. I told him I had never played and also wasn't a JMU student so even if I wanted to play, I couldn't. He looked me up and down and said, "You need to play. I know there are several men's teams in the area." So I got on Google, found a team, went to some practices, and the rest is history. A few years and a shoulder surgery later, I have fallen in love with the sport:

So, let's build a 15's team out of Barstool employees. For reference here are the positions in 15s rugby:

Loosehead and Tighthead Prop (Numbers 1 & 3): BIG T & WHITE BOY RICK

I mean talk about 2 units at our props. The word "Big" is literally in Big T's name. Keep in mind that Arian Foster (the one on the left holding up the peace sign to be clear) is 6ft 1! Big T is a monster and would be dominant in our scrums. WBR is an Indiana legend and elite ball-knower but he better get in those rucks like the undaunted man he claims he is. In case you didn't know, Rick is a distant descendant of the giants that Jack from the beanstalk tale stole from. We are coming in with elite size.

Hooker (Number 2): CONNOR MOOK

Just look at this man. He can rip cigs, drink with the best of them, and he's from Philly so you know he's ready to throw down. He has thunder thighs since he was a former catcher in high school baseball too. He's 5'10 and stocky, so he still provides size in the scrums despite being shorter than our props and locks. Let us not forget that he's also on a "cleanse" right now, so conditioning won't be as big of a problem as it might have been in the past.

Lock/Second Row (Number 4 & 5): MIKE KATIC AND MAX DOLENTE

Locks are usually a similar size to props, whether they are bigger/smaller, but they HAVE to be more athletic. I mean getting an All-Big-10 linemen and a former college baseball player who's a #fathlete here is such a cheat code. Katic was going up against Ohio State and Notre Dame a few months ago. Max put on a clinic at the case race, absolutely BODYING Dana Beers, and now they also get to run the ball!? Yeah, we're rolling.

Flanker (Numbers 6 & 7): FEITS AND RICO BOSCO

Flankers have to be absolute loose cannons who don't shy away from contact and come with aggression. Feits is a truly SNEAKY jacked guy and doesn't have many brain cells to lose (which he would admit himself that's not a shot at him), so he's going to hopefully make some key tackles for us. Now we get to Rico Bosco. The leader of the Ryders, a true loose cannon (in the best way possible), a 6ft tall former college defensive back, and the winner of the Pat Hill trophy. I expect him and Feits to be cleaning some clocks.

Number Eight (Numbers 8): TRENT RYAN

Why is a golf guy playing rugby, you may ask? I'll just leave this here and let it speak for itself:

Scrum-Half (Number 9): SPIDER

The scrum-half is almost always the smallest player on the field, one of the quickest, and also the glue of the team. Small player and glue guy, you say? Enter Spider.

Fly-Half (Number 10): BLAKE VREDEVOOGD

Blake is one of the few Barstool employees I know who has actually played rugby. The fly-half is one of the most influential players on the pitch. They make decisions on when to pass the ball out or kick for field position. Since Blake himself told me that he plays this position, he's here. Also, a big appreciation to Blake for responding to me after I mentioned this idea to him. He's also a player/assistant coach.

Centres (Numbers 12 & 13): ARIAN FOSTER AND FRANCIS ELLIS

The centres are the most dynamic runners on the pitch. So, when given the chance to have a 4x Pro-Bowl & 2x All-Pro running back in Arian Foster, you take it. Francis Ellis may be a comedian, but let us not forget he was a D1 lacrosse player who has maintained a good physique since. Arian Foster is going to be the bell-cow of this team.

Wingers (Numbers 11 & 14): KBNOSWAG & CHEF DONNY

A 5.11 & 5.13 forty-yard dash in the Barstool combine, plus being elite athletes in good shape, puts these two as our wingers. KB was also a D1 wrestler at Kent State, so he 100% can make a tackle when needed. FAST, FAST, and FAST.

Full-back (Number 15): PFT COMMENTER

The man, the myth, the legend. The guy who got me into rugby is playing the full-back and is also doubling up with coaching duties. Plus, you know his kicks are good from 35 yards in. He's the last line of defense and can coach the offense from the backlines.

FINISHERS: BIG CAT & BRANDON WALKER (FORWARDS), JENKS & VIBBS (BACKS)

Big Cat and Brandon Walker are 6'4 and 6'5 respectively. They are too big not to include on this team, but they'll be backups due to their age and Brandon Walker already saying he doesn't want to participate in physical activities. This way we can keep them fresh. Big Cat is also a legit SNEAKY athlete. Just look at Jenks and you see why he's on this team. Plus, he takes charges in rec league basketball so he's willing to put his body on the line. Vibbs is here for endurance as he has the office record for the mile. So that is the Barstool 15's Rugby Team. I excluded myself as a player because: