NFL Teams as Your Favorite Holidays

Tis the season to be Jolly hooligans !Lock in because this one should be a sleigh ride from hell as we are going to be comparing some of our favorite NFL franchises to our favorite Holidays!

I'm well aware that there are probably hundreds of list with a similar premise. Doesn't matter; keep reading. I want you to hate this list.

1:NEW YEARS EVE - Washington Commanders

Yea yea yeah I know what you're thinking and no its not a home cooked pick. The Commanders' franchise is everything we tell ourselves New Years is about. They embody the spirit of new beginnings, fresh starts and wishy washy self improvement wishes. You know, the kind you tell yourself to motivate you to hit the gym for two weeks before burning out. Same concept here. Got rid of the toxic goblin Dan Snyder, new coach in Dan Quinn and a badass QB in Jayden Daniels. Only issue is the team is in the middle of a 3 game losing streak after a hot start. Not sure the membership fee is worth it for this gym (of course it is).

2: Valentine's Day - Detroit Lions

According to the department of commerce, the next holiday is MLK's birthday but I'm the real black history here and my birthday is on Valentines day so it's my call and we switching things up. You had a dream MLK and its a reality now so shoutout to you; step aside and let me cook. I love the Lions. I love Dan Campbell. I would run through a wall for this guy. All energy all passion and they are my favorite to win the Superbowl. Waited to late to put the future in so there is no value. Don't wait to put in dinner reservations on this holiday and don't wait to hammer the Lions. I love the Lions. I love MLK.

3:Memorial Day - Chicago Bears

Put it to you straight the season for the Bears is done. It's been done since they got rally ripped.

A storied and respected franchise that's in the heavy rebuild phase. Have to just pay your respects for what once was and what

might be now that Eberfuck is gone. Shoutout to Caleb, he went to the same high school as me so he has my allegiance for life and I will not disrespect his game on any platform. Let's take a moment, a very very very very very brief moment to remember all of the great Quarterbacks that have played for Chicago the past 20 years. Thanks Kyle Orton.

4: Juneteenth - Baltimore Ravens

I'm going to keep it a buck with you guys. Juneteenth is a new holiday so idek how to go about sorting things. Yes I do. I got rank here. Im using it. Ravens are walking black history in the all black uni's. Lamar Jackson I mean come on now MVP numbers from day one and its not even a debate. Baltimore also is home to the emmy award winning HBO classic and my personal favorite series "The Wire". Shoutout Avon Barksdale.

5: Independence Day - Buffalo Bills

Say what you want but the Bills are America's new team. No clue when it happened. No clue how it happened. But there is an absurd amount of support for the Buffalo Bills and I am not mad about it. It's great for the NFL and im happy for the people in upstate New York that have nothing in their lives to really live for. Celebrate hard now guys because they will never win a Superbowl. Keeping jumping through flaming tables though I LOVE those videos!

6: Labor Day - Pittsburgh Steelers

Blue collar franchise everybody knows Pittsburgh has that market cornered to death. They are the type of franchise that shows up to work on time and leaves on time. The type of co worker you walk away on zoom meetings when its their turn to speak. Snorefest. Outside of those Big Ben Superbowls what do they hang their hat on these days? Not having a losing regular season record for a few years? Blue collar stat blue collar achievement.

7: Columbus/Indigenous People Day - Oakland Raiders

Talk about a team and a holiday that has lost its way. Let's just call it what it is Columbus day is an excuse to have a paid day off of work. You get the Raiders on your schedule same thing. Paid day off and a dub. This holiday needs to be reimaged and rebranded.

8: Halloween - New York

Shouldn't need much explanation here. These teams scare me and for all the wrong reasons. Jets are a dumpster fire. Aaron Rodgers would rather study the works of Graham Hancock than the Jets playbook. The type of Gotham city crime going on in the Giants front office needs to be investigated and stopped. Quick tip; try the brown paper bag costume if you wear either of these teams jersey's in public.

9: Christmas - Kansas City Chiefs

NFL gifts this S.O.B. wins all the time. Im sick of Mahommes. Goddell stop letting this Kermit the Frog sounding flag merchant take over the league. There will be no Taylor Swift slander from me. I want you to hate me not ruin my life. Andy Reid is stealing all the Ozempic supply. Its ridiculous. They ruin football every year and I hope it comes to an end soon.

Happy Holidays everyone !

Ryders Forever,

DFTC