Barstool After Dark: The Joe's Try Handball
- CoachDay
- May 11
- 3 min read
What is handball? That may be your very first question as we get our newest rendition of Barstool After Dark's Pros vs. Joes: Handball this Monday night. After their attempt at basketball was comically bad, they turn to a sport that mixes basketball & soccer the most. Let's just say after a quick Google search... the Joes are potentially in trouble yet again... BIG TROUBLE.
As Ohio's Tate explained, the national men's U.S. handball team will be facing off against our Barstool Joes, or as Kyle Bauer puts it, our Pathetic Titans. Now, usually, it's a 6v6 with a goalie sport, so just like the basketball stream, this could get to a point of 15v1 (& a goalie or maybe just a goalie...) if needed for the Joes to be victorious. Already the worry has set in, as Tate mentioned, with former D1 athletes & MLB pitchers littering the U.S. roster. A pitcher that threw upper 90s, btw. But I'm sure White Sox Dave is still pumping it out in the upper 80s, right?
Alright, let me try to help ya out before tonight; here is a short rundown of the game. The ball used in the game is kind of a more handheld soccer ball that is necessary to bounce, as players do need to dribble to get up & down the court. You are allowed three steps before then needing to dribble, pass, or shoot. Also, the goalie has a "designated" area which you cannot "step" into when shooting, but if you leap into the air from behind it, releasing your shot before you touch down, then it is allowed. Contact is allowed, but not to go as far as hockey "checking" from what I can tell. Traditionally, it's a two-half game, but for the Joes' sake, you gotta think the games will be first to 7 or 11, something of that nature.
So, after researching, I was a little confused about what is truly needed to be successful in handball. I felt maybe like you, wondering, is it arm strength, body mass, or possibly length? Well, I decided to dig deeper, & I found from multiple searches these to be the top 3 attributes required to be successful in handball:
Agility & Change of Direction
Explosive Power
EXCEPTIONAL Hand-eye coordination
Okay sooooo, now that you have those top three let's-call-them "need-to-have" abilities for handball, let's take a quick look at the Joes' roster...
Hmmmmmmm. Agility... Explosiveness... Hand-eye coordination... Do we have those on the Joes' roster above? Well, I for one am back to the first thought I had fully... our Pathetic Titans are yet again in some big trouble. Though I am calling it now, one bright spot will be former national champion Rudy Junda; I think he could even see a pull from goalie, as his hockey background could be pivotal when you think about hand-eye. A couple of others to watch out for have to be Ebo, Chef Donny, & Katic. For Ebo & Donny, they have that twitch to be able to make some moves, & also it feels like their type of sport.
BUT... overall, we have some glaring issues to worry about for our Joes. Our team's endurance, power, & elusiveness will truly be tested. With ballers like Danny Conrad, Mikey Bets, & Mintzy (who graciously moved up his flight, cutting short steam room time to get back in time), the national roster better watch out!
Tonight on After Dark is set up to be a fast-paced warzone for our Joes that you won't want to miss. Also, while we are at it & enjoying seeing our favorite Barstool characters, let's learn a bit about some handball so we are then ready for 2028 & the Summer Olympics. It's never too late to appreciate a new sport!
Tune in tonight 8pm ET / 7pm CT for Pros vs. Joes: Handball.
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