Dolphins. What the Fuck?

I love going down a good rabbit hole and one rabbit hole that I have been stuck on recently has been dolphins. Dolphins are actually one of the craziest creatures I have ever learned about. They are so smart, there just has to be more to them than just being a smart sea mammal. In my opinion they are closer to being a human than to being a fish.

I know what you're thinking, the only facts that you've heard about dolphins is that they're creepy and pervy, but honestly that usually just comes with too much human interaction and captivity. They are not meant to interact with humans on a daily basis, because it affects how they act around people and even other dolphins. That's when you get the crazy videos of dolphins acting really weird towards humans. This is why a lot of countries don't allow humans to interact with dolphins and the countries that do allow it, the animal advocacy groups frown upon it. Too much human interaction can lead them to be aggressive, abandon their habitats, and stop reproducing. I mean the human brain and the dolphin brain are very similar, so it makes sense why captivity and human interaction confuse them and cause them to act different because they are very aware of their surroundings and what is happening. They are smart as fuck. Period.

Because of their brain size and the two previous facts, it proves to me that they are definitely more human than sea creature. In India, they are literally considered "Non-Human Persons."

Let's break down this fact because the non-human person is exactly how I feel about dolphins. The definition of human is "a man, woman, or child of the species Homo sapiens, distinguished from other animals by superior mental development, power of articulate speech, and upright stance;" and the definition of a person is "a human being regarded as an individual." So obviously a dolphin is not a homo sapien and they cannot stand upright, but they are superior in mental development, and they speak with each other and sometimes humans. Therefore, they are a non-human person.

Because of their superior mental capacity, they are able to be trained for very specific jobs and/or tasks.

The US Navy employs highly trained dolphins across the force, including at its bicoastal nuclear submarine bases: King's Bay Naval Submarine Base in George and Naval Base Kitsap near Seattle. They use their diving expertise and incredible sonar abilities to help the US Navy protect roughly a quarter of the US nuclear arsenal. They also help facilitate mine clearance and conducting undersea surveillance for Homeland Security and other branches of the government and military. To me this is so crazy that we can train a dolphin to do this kind of work and then communicate back to us with accurate information.

Speaking of their sonar abilities, they are also able to identify humans in the water based on our skeletal structure. Because of this, they have been known to help shipwreck victims from shark attacks and also just staying afloat since they are mammals and understand drowning.

This is a picture of Adam Walker who was saved from a shark attack while swimming across the Cook Strait in New Zealand. He noticed a Great White below him and then all of a sudden, he was surrounded by dolphins. The dolphins formed a circle around him eventually driving the shark away. They stayed and swam with him for another hour.

Not only can they be trained to do some crazy shit, they also just do crazy shit for funsies. For example, they have a couple uses for the Puffer Fish.

They will suck the toxins out of a puffer fish and get high off of them. They even pass the puffer fish around to their friends like a joint. Once they are all high off the toxin, they then blow the puffer fish up and play with it like a ball.

Unfortunately, they have also been known to grab birds off the surface of the water and drag them under water. It seems like a game to them which helps the dolphin haters prove their point, but honestly, again, it's just proving to me how fucking smart they are.

With all that being said, dolphins are scary, impressive, intelligent creatures that need to be left alone by humans unless the dolphin comes up to you. I have seen a few good examples of human and dolphin interaction, but it mostly comes when the dolphins initiate it, like the story above of the dolphins protecting the swimmer from the shark. Or like this story of a dolphin swimming up to a boat and getting them to follow it to a hurt dolphin.

This is a good human-dolphin interaction. They didn't approach the dolphin. They understood that the dolphin was in distress, and they should follow it.

Thank you for listening to my rant about dolphins. I just want to know what the fuck they know because they are too smart to not have any secrets.

PS: If you know me, you know I LOVE orcas. They taught themselves how to communicate with dolphins which I am obsessed with. So maybe I'll do a deep dive blog on orcas someday.