SPOILER ALERTS: Recapping Episode 9 of Surviving Barstool and Looking Ahead to the Finale

WARNING: THIS IS A FULL RECAP OF SURVIVING BARSTOOL SEASON 5 EPISODE 9. SPOILERS ARE INCLUDED THROUGHOUT, SO DO NOT KEEP READING UNLESS YOU’VE WATCHED EPISODE 9.

If you want to watch a recap show for Episode 9, check out the Breakdown Boys!

We are down to the final five heading into Monday night's Season 5 finale: Marty Mush, Dana Beers, Brandon Walker, Glenny Balls and Rone. Two more people have to go before the jury decides which of the final three takes home $250,000, and there's one gigantic issue hanging over this episode. Marty, Dana and Rone all still have idols, and this is the last chance to use them.

Episode 9 jumps back to the Tommy Smokes blindside, where we get another look at Dana convincing everyone to vote Tommy. That's a pretty damn good move for Dana to have on his resume if he reaches the final three. We also learn Glenny somehow screwed up his vote and accidentally wrote Tommy when he meant to vote Brandon. I have absolutely no idea what the hell Glenny was doing there, and he nearly screwed up the entire plan without even realizing it.

With the idol situation looming, Glenny knows exactly how much trouble he's in. If Brandon wins immunity, Marty, Dana and Rone can all protect themselves, which would leave Glenny as the only person vulnerable. Dana promises Glenny that if he wins immunity, he'll give Glenny his idol. Meanwhile, Marty gets Rone to prove that he really does have an idol, and Rone tells him he would probably give it to Brandon if he wins because Brandon would likely take Rone to the final three. Rone eventually shows Dana the idol too.

Then Tommy gets a message to Brandon: Rone and Marty are absolutely dead to him.

And finally, FINALLY, Brandon Walker starts playing this fucking game!

Brandon is pissed off, kicking shit and watching his chances of winning disappear, but Rone meets him outside the office and promises that if Rone wins immunity, Brandon can have his idol. Brandon starts trying everything he can to change the game. He's working Dana and trying to make him feel bad. He's giving Marty shit about the fake ankle injury. He's mouthing Glenny for being fat and not even working at Barstool anymore.

THIS is the Brandon Walker I've been waiting to see all season! It might be way too late to save him, but at least the big man is going down swinging.

Build And Bash

The shit talking between Brandon and Glenny carries right into the immunity challenge, which is called Build and Bash. Players have to construct a tower using different-sized discs and pillars, but after completing each layer they have to run upstairs and fire a ball at an opponent's tower. You HAVE to take the shot before returning to continue building. Once your entire tower is completed, it has to remain standing for five seconds to win immunity. Obviously Rone and Brandon will be going for whoever has the tallest tower working together, while Glenny, Marty, and Dana will be aiming for Brandon and Rone.

Dana Beers wins AGAIN and officially punches his ticket to the final four! (Really impressive stuff by Beers, by the way. Winning these last two challenges in a row was awesome to see)

That's obviously terrible news for Brandon because Dana has already promised his idol to Glenny. Brandon knows what's coming and tells Rone that he's got him “on the other side,” essentially promising Rone his jury vote if Rone reaches the final three.

Then Brandon goes scorched earth.

He pulls Dana into the hallway and flat-out tells him he isn't getting Brandon's jury vote. Dana responds by telling him to have some Chicago pride, which is a pretty hilarious argument considering Dana is working with two New York guys and another guy who doesn't even fucking work at Barstool anymore. Brandon tells Marty he isn't getting his vote either. Same with Glenny.

Rone?

Brandon tells him he's voting for him to win.

Wait... Why The Fuck Do They Have Their Phones?

Things somehow get even messier once we arrive at Tribal Council, and not necessarily in a good way.

Jeff reveals that players have been communicating with members of the jury, which is obviously a gigantic red flag. Dana is called out for doing it, while Brandon admits he also sent a message to a jury member apologizing for something. Rone immediately says that should be grounds for disqualification.

Then we find out Marty and Glenny apparently had a final drink with Nicky Smokes before he left.

If this season wasn't already struggling enough, this puts an even bigger damper on things for me. Kirk has talked on his recap show about players texting each other after seeing the Ring of Fire being set up and using their phones to game plan rather than having those conversations face-to-face. Now we're finding out contestants have been communicating with jurors too?

WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE HAVE THEIR PHONES IN THIS GAME???????

Unless your name is Dave Portnoy or Dan Katz and you absolutely need access to your phone for work, take the damn things away. Let everyone FaceTime their family for a few minutes at night if necessary, but why are contestants in a game for $250,000 able to text each other and communicate with people who have already been eliminated? That takes away from so much of what makes this game fun.

And then we get to the idols.

Before Jeff reads the votes, Glenny plays the idol Dana gave him. Marty plays his idol. Rone plays his idol. The jury looks stunned when they realize Rone has been sitting on an idol this entire time, while Tommy just looks completely pissed off.

Three idols played at the final-five Tribal.

WOOHOO, THAT'S AWESOME, JEFF! Great work, man.

Brandon Walker is eliminated and becomes the newest member of the jury. And I'm not even going to try to explain his entire exit because you really need to watch that shit for yourself to do it justice.

My Thoughts Heading Into The Finale

I've been willing to give Season 5 time and see if things eventually picked up, but Episode 9 pretty much confirmed my original thoughts. This season has been nothing short of a dud.

The Ring of Fire gave us a really good episode and there have obviously been some entertaining moments along the way, but there hasn't been enough sustained drama, the challenges haven't been particularly memorable, and too many of these alliances have made the votes feel predictable. Now add contestants apparently being able to text each other and communicate with members of the jury, and it takes even more away from the game.

And three idols getting played at the final five doesn't exactly help!

So here we are. Dana Beers, Glenny Balls, Marty Mush and Rone are the final four. One more person will be eliminated Monday night, and then the jury will decide which of the remaining three wins $250,000.

At this point, I really only have one question heading into the finale: Can Season 5 give us one last piece of chaos before it's over?

For more thoughts on what they can do to fix the idol situation going forward, check out my Barstool Breakdwon brother Reed's latest blog: https://www.barstoolbreakdown.com/post/fixing-the-surviving-barstool-idol-problem