My Case to Take Over Barstool Basketball

I am writing my official statement to GM Mark Titus, as well as owners Barstool Big Cat & Brandon Walker, that I am ready to take over the coaching position of Barstool Basketball. Yes, by saying this I fully understand the implications this may have if it reaches the eyes of Mikey Bets. I am fully prepared for the wrath that could come my way by ultimately ending up on the "list". All that being said, I am willing to put myself in harm’s way to fix this dumpster fire that has occurred to your once-soaring franchise on the court.

As a former player & current coach, I have all of the tools to give this team some much-needed playing discipline & organization. After seeing only a couple of possessions live this evening via Big Cat, there is no question in my mind that talent is not the issue with this squad. All of the pieces are there to be a top team in this league. The right direction is just now what is needed here.

Now you could continue on under the Mikey Bets regime, whom I am a huge fan of keeping on staff as an assistant to have under my wing to mold him into the coach he can one day be. Or even myself as an advisor to him, the coach. I am willing to step in to help this team in any capacity.

As you sit there reading, you may ask, does he even really know ball or is this an attack on Mikey Bets, no I assure you Bets we all know is a good man considering what he has done for this company. I am here as a coach frustrated at the results you are experiencing & saddened by the tweets post-game from what looks like a fractured locker room. Need some proof? Well here are some of the changes that need to be put in place.

Organization! Assign players positions 1–5 with roles for each spot. For example, the 1s are who bring the ball up unless it’s a fast-break advantage in transition. its chaos without it, just me first ball, you need your PG to be the one initiating the offense. For this team you need Ohio's Tate as your first-choice PG, his pass-first mentality will keep your scorers happy & getting the ball in scoring positions rather than dribbling into bad shots.

Next, 3–5 set plays for your scorers. You want the Nicky Smokes, Chiefs, Connor Griffins, & Steven Cheahs to catch & shoot, scoring in rhythm, not pounding nails into the floor all night. But let’s not forget the strength of this team… the bigs! This means running an offense that is set up for both bigs in White Boy Rick & Dana Beers to be on the court. I have an offense that allows for ball screens & motion to run through your bigs to get easier & cleaner looks. The trust needs to be present though from the team & front office. This is just the beginning of what can be done to help this team compete at the level the GM & owners expect on a weekly, or random-week type of playing schedule this seems to be...

While you can go the route of throwing big money at coaches, as the money is of course there, why not instead be revolutionary as a front office? Nooooo! I'm not talking about the heating crystals! Adam Sandler did it in the movie Hustle, Gene Hackman in Hoosiers, or Josh Lucas in Glory Road… all three weren’t what anyone expected, but what followed was instant success. It’s time to get Barstool Basketball where it belongs... in the elite ranks of Chicago late-night, random-week recreation league basketball.